id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
