I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
