Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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