I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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