Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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