i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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