I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
