You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He told me they were just razor bumps!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
