The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
