I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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