Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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