are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
