I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
