why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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