based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
