I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
