I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
