meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
