help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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