turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
