fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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