Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
