so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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