Cold hands, warm shart.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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