Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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