dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize