I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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