yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
