it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
