felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
