These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
