none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
