He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
