You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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