So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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