Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
