I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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