Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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