Im at strip club and am horny
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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