She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
