3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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