dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
