gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
