Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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