Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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