I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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