the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
