Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
