The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
