So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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