Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Damn victory sex feels great
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
