She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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