i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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