I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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