Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
