Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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