eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
