They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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