I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
