He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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