i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
4 words: hood of his car
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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