I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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