Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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