He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
