I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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