Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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