her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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