cat food counts as protein by the way
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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