Swine flu. Run for my life!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
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you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I just sharted jello shots
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